I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
