I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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