Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
