i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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