You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
