there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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