so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
