I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
