remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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