remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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