im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
