My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
