Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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