the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
