Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
