Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
