Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
