I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
