and you said cock pushups were impossible
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
