If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
