careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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