Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
