bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
