Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
