During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
