Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
