I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
third nipple confirmed
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
