you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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