Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
