i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
