Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
