Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
