no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
