I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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