how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
