if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
