My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
