i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
