the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Less talking, more tequila
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
