he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
