just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
