Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
