Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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