i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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