I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
