I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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