On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
