I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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