I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
