Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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